Why I can't have nice things

Aren't I pretty?

I love having the windows open in the evening.  That is until the neighborhood comes alive with dutiful companions walking their dogs. I don’t mind so much, but Gracie feels compelled to remind each passerby that this is HER HOUSE and that’s HER SIDEWALK.

My large picture window is a constant smudge of nose prints and overzealous bark slobber.  But the other night topped it all.

A sweet Jack Russell terrier trotted by with his companions in tow. With nary a backward glance to the barking –like-a-crazy-dog Gracie, he lifted his leg on a bush in the front yard.  Before I could say “Jack Russell” Gracie popped the screen out of the window and was half way through on her way to teach Jack a lesson. I only just grabbed her around the waist and hauled her 85 pound butt back inside.  The screen survived the punch – only slightly bent.  My heart slowed to a normal beat after a few minutes. And Gracie was pleased that she had so valiantly defended her post. 

And this is why I can’t have nice things. 

A visit to what was

Mom and dad lived in Seaside for 10 years.  Last weekend Mom and I travelled to the coast to visit the town.  (We were joined by the rest of the Willamette Valley trying to escape the 90 degree temps.)  The trip took longer than expected.  Even though I had cleverly checked Seaside’s event calendar to make sure we weren’t heading over on the Hood-to-Coast weekend, I forgot to check Portland’s event calendar.  Hillsboro was sporting to major events – the annual airshow and the LPGA golf tournament at Pumpkin Ridge. It took us an extra hour to travel through Beaverton and Hillsboro. 

Our first stop was for lunch at Pacific Way Bakery in Gearhart.  This is my favorite restaurant. Dad tolerated this restaurant when I would visit them in Seaside.  Not really his favorite, though.  We then headed back to Seaside to drive by the place they use to live – one block off the Prom.  We lucked into a parking spot near one of Mom’s favorite shops and stopped there for some quick shopping.  After driving around for a bit pointing out a change here and a change there and much of the same everywhere, we headed back to Salem.

Grief is a funny thing.

The text books talk about grief in five stages.  This mistakenly gives the impression that the process is linear and will come to an end. I don’t believe that is true. For me, grief comes like the waves at the beach.  Some days it laps quietly at my feet, hardly noticeable. Other days, the tide rushes at me a bit more determined. I stagger off balanced for a moment, but I am able to keep wading forward.  And then there are days when a monster wave knocks me down and I feel like I can’t catch my breath.

One of these monster waves caught me a few weeks ago. I struggled for a couple of days to keep my head about the crashing wave. Even as I felt myself slipping below the water line in a wave a grief, I resisted and battled on. The more I fought it, the worse it seemed. In addition to the emotional symptoms, I began to feel  physical symptoms – a sore throat from holding in the cry of despair and a tight chest from a breaking heart. 

And then I let go.

Instead of struggling against the current and crashing waves, I leaned back and floated. I finally recognized the moment for what it was:  a sneaker wave of grief.  I relaxed and allowed those feelings to roll over me. As I floated, the sadness became manageable. And as time passed I found my footing again and was able to stand up and continue walking forward.

We seldom give ourselves the chance to just float.  I remember as a kid playing in the backyard pool some of my friends didn’t know how to float. They had to be taught. I taught them by gently holding my hands under their backs until they got use to the feeling of floating.  I hope we can give ourselves permission to float when we need to.  And for those who don’t know how to float, I’d be happy to teach you.

What just happened?

For the last two weeks I've been caught in some sort of confusing loop like you might see on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I was unable to log into my Blogger account to post new musings.  Blogger didn't recognize my password. But when I followed the reset steps, Hotmail wouldn't recognize my userid.  And around and around we went.  Then two days ago, I final found the right online help, but get things restored, I had to pay 30 cents.  Seriously?  But OK, I can do that.  I followed the last round of instructions and viola! Here I am back in action.

Now what was I going to write about before all this started...

Gloom, despair, and agony on me

One of my dad's favorite TV shows when I was growing up was Hee Haw.  He was a faithful viewer despite my mom's eye-rolling. The show must have made an impression on me because I occasionally find myself humming some of its signature musical (?) numbers ("I'm a pickin' and I'm a grinnin'"). 

Watching the news these days reminds me of one of the famous Hee Haw numbers with the two hillbillies slouched against bales of hay with jugs of moonshine singing "Gloom, despair, and agony on me." Then they would proceed to tell tales of the latest wobegon events in their lives.  Just like CNN and FOX!

I blame it on the 24-hour news cycle.  News reporters no longer focus on the major story, but instead get bogged down in the minutiae of day. So a lot of the stories deal with the "what if's" of life.  Some days it is hard enough to face the "what is" of life without also getting bogged down in the "what if."

Certainly there is bad news these days.  But there is also good news.  There are glimmers of hope in this broken world.  What if not just the news channels, but all of us choose to focus on hope?  What if?

Thoughts from the Summit

I just spent two days at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit.  The speakers were brilliant and challenging.  Here are some of my favorite quotes from the event.  Some may spin off into subsequent blog postings. 

So tell me, do any of these comments challenge or resonant with you?

The future is not a linear extrapolation of the past. If you can't predict the future, create it.  Act!    Dr. Len Schlesinger

Failure does not mean game over.  It means try again with experience.  Dr. Len Schlesinger

Stand up from the banquet your ancestors prepared and metabolize your blessings.  Mayor Cory A. Booker (Newark, N.J.)

As a leader, I am going to choose to show the best of myself every day.   Mayor Cory A. Booker

If it is to be, it's up to me.  Mayor Booker

Before you tell me what you preach and teach, show me first how you live and give.  Mayor Booker

As catalytic leaders, we have to be willing and ready to interpret the events of our time through the eyes of faith.   Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil

I dare you to pray for God to fall fresh on you!  Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil

The reason "they" want you to fit in is so "they" can ignore you.   Seth Godin

With the revolution going on all around us, there's so much on the buffet you're likely to just grab something convenient. Better, I think, to decide what matters first, and go do that.  Seth Godin

Revolutions destroy the perfect and enable the impossible. Seth Godin

Just because the tide is out, doesn't mean there is less water in the ocean.  Seth Godin

The difference between a visionary and a daydreamer is the audacity to act.  Pastor Steven Furtick

We choose to be sinners or saints.  Mama Maggie Gobran

True love is to give and to forgive.  Forgive is not between you and the other, but between you and God.  He holds the account.  Mama Maggie Gobran

Would you lead if God called you to a cause or a company that had no chance of being successful?   Pastor Bill Hybels

I'd rather deal with angry people than apathetic people.  Michelle Rhee

Humility is the noble choice to forgo your status and use your influence for the good of others.   Pastor John Dickson

Our culture today says "avoid pain at all costs!"  Don't be vulnerable. There are massive rewards for being vulnerable, but also huge risks.   Patrick Lencioni

An open note to Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks

CEO Schultz: I was looking forward to your presentation at the Leadership Summit tomorrow and was sorry to hear that the opinions of 799 people who have an incorrect view of Willow Creek and Christianity caused you to cancel your presentation. As a long-time Starbucks customer, I'm also sad that you did not have more faith in your customers. Please remember as you preach the message of community involvement to your global employee base that the local churches are a part of that community as well. 

PS: I'll be swinging by my Salem, Or Starbucks tomorrow for a carmel macchiato before heading to day 2 of the Leadership Summit.

What's in a name?

It’s a story, so you’ll have to wait for the reveal. 

A few years ago I started a blog to capture life with my chocolate lab, Gracie.  There was no shortage of stories about her and our trips to the local dog park.  She continues to make me laugh every day, but my dog-telling-story muse left me and I stopped writing that blog a few years ago. 

But lately I’ve wanting to resume blogging if for no other reason than to give me a chance to capture the stories I see around me.  I expect some postings will be about trivial things, some posts will border on the profound (at least in my mind!), and some posts will simply serve as a soap box for my points of view.

Which leads me back to the title.

At work, in meetings, when the topic of discussion does not suit a particular participant, I’ve noticed that they he or she will make a place for his or her opinion by announcing to the group “I’m going to take us down on a bunny trail.”  The person then proceeds to expound upon whatever it is he or she felt needed to be said regardless of its relationship to the meeting agenda. And, what's more, the other meeting participants generally forgive this tangent because an announcement has been made in adavance that it would happen.

That will be this blog.  I have no unifying theme to measure my blog posts against.  I may write about Gracie, but not solely about her.  I have not retired and moved to Mexico like my friend, Steve, who writes a fantastic blog about his adventures.  I have just my thoughts, my ideas, my opinions, and my stories.  I hope that those, tempered with my sense of humor and eye for the ironic, will make these blog postings interesting to read.

Thanks for reading.